Thank you for all of the love and support on my Remembering series. It means a lot.
The past two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least. I will be perfectly fine one day, and hear a song on the radio and it all comes crashing down. So much reminds me of my brother. Every Philly cheese-steak I eat brings back memories, every song on the radio, every book in my closet. They are all there because of him. He inspired me to always pursue, to always believe, and to never ever give up on my dreams.
So, what have we been doing? Staying busy. We are trying to keep our minds busy and focus on things that make us happy. We have been cooking more together, listening to music by our fire together, and enjoying each others company. We have been doing some DIY projects together, tackling some things we have been wanting to do the past 7 months. We both have our moments and break down, but we both know that being sad and depressed is NOT how Benji would want us to be. We are trying to remember the good that he brought into my life.
Benji brought my husband to the Lord. This is something I have been praying for, for years. And it wasn’t until Benji that Kurt actually believed. He encourages me to go to church now, we pray together now. I will never be able to thank Benji enough for the way he has changed our marriage.
Above all of this, I have never in my life felt so alone. My body aches, I sometimes feel like I am on auto-pilot. Not sure how I make it through the days, but we do, we have to. This is what Benji would want.
Kurt has been painting Benji’s house, starting today. He says it is hard, hard knowing he is working so hard but Benji won’t be able to see it. Everything seems to be hard. But we have to keep pushing on, because Benji would want that more than anything.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:7