Sometimes I wonder why I have a blog if I can’t even keep up with it. Other times, I am writing often and it is a release for me. If you are reading this, know that I am super grateful you have stuck around for the past year, by far the hardest year of my life. Let’s recap shall we?
- On September 7th, 2013 my amazing, encouraging, inspiring brother, Benji passed away to a courageous fight with cancer.
- In March of 2014, we got chosen for an adoption. Our beautiful joy was born on March 17th. 3 days later the birth mother backed out. Yes, we have yet to clean out the nursery.
- In May of 2014, we were contacted by a sweet, courageous, loving friend who wanted to place her baby up for adoption with us. It still wasn’t God’s timing and the birth mother had a miscarriage a few weeks after telling us.
- Last month, I went to the ER with severe stomach pains. They assumed it was my gallbladder and found nothing. They sent me to a specialist who, after doing a colonoscopy and EGD, determined I have Celiac Disease.
Needless to say, life has really thrown our sweet family some serious lemons. There are days where I throw my hands in the air and just cry because I am not sure what else to do. People say “God only gives you what you can handle”.. I don’t think that is necessarily accurate, one of these events would be plenty, but not all 4. I can’t handle them. I break down, I cry, I yell, I scream. It’s not fair.
There is always good when there is bad. There is no hope without pain. There is no sunshine without rain. There might not be a reason or a purpose for bad things to happen to me, or if you are facing trials now you might not know why. And you may never know why. BUT, without trials you would have no strength.
I have two choices, I can let these heartbreaking and life changing events ruin me or build me. I can focus on how horrible my life is, that I am cursed, that the pain just doesn’t stop, etc etc etc. Or I can focus on the fact that I have an incredible family, I have an amazing job, I have a house, a yard, a sweet dog. I have nieces and nephews who I adore and I think adore me.
So what is my focus for the next little while? Well, we are going to work on us. We both got part time jobs to be 100% debt free, I am really focusing on my disease and losing weight and am feeling so much better. We are both getting more and more involved in our church and I am loving my new friends that I am making.
Is life easy now? No. Do I still get upset over those events that happened, every single day. I still cry every day, it hurts so much and I don’t think the pain will truly go away. But, my brother told me when he first got diagnosed with cancer that I need to still live my life and push on. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. Will we hit road bumps? Of course. But we are pursuing a goal and a dream. And we will get there, even if it takes us longer than we had imagined. Life is funny like that.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.